the one who brings the light to heal

Everyone is a complimentary therapist or healer it seems these days.  Go to any meditation group or spiritual gathering and most of the people in the room will be a practitioner  of some form of alternative therapy.  Most will be practicing their “art” part-time with ambitions to pursue their “passion” full-time.  This was certainly the situation I found myself in the other night when I attended a Christmas meditation with Larynn.

Larynn runs a therapy center out in the countryside of Southam on Glebe Farm.  It is situated amongst the serenity of open fields.  I arrived a few minutes late.  Driving around single track roads in the pitch dark can be disorienting.  The therapy room is spacious, has a fireplace, and is decorated with statues and pictures of iconic spiritual figures like Jesus and Buddha and a host of other prophets and gods that I don’t recognize.  There are candles and crystals to complete the sanctity of the room.

I must admit, I usually come to these types of events with my skeptic’s hat on.  I find it hard to relax and be open until I know if the person leading the event is authentic.  I know how easy it can be to delude oneself about these matters.  Delusion I can handle.  At least the deluded person believes what they are doing is real.  And we are all deluded in some way.  What I don’t like are the ones who are in the game for some other reason like preying on people’s fear and ignorance to dupe money out of them or the ones who do it to feed their ego.

Perhaps Larynn senses this.  She attempts to establish rapport with the group by way of sharing her story with us.

“Having pursued a successful career in senior positions in the automotive industry for the last 12 years, the last thing on my mind was a radical change in lifestyle to set up and run a farm based healing center for people and animals,” she says.

“As a trained engineer with a business degree, I have dismissed energetic healing and spiritual development as nonsense for years….until 5 years ago I experienced the power of healing energy on myself at a time of stress and inner restlessness and unhappiness.”

I find that this is a common theme for many therapists and counsellors.  The person’s life was a mess.  They found solace in therapy.  Their life got better as a result.  And then they feel drawn to become a therapist themselves and help other people in the way that they were helped.  I think it is noble that they want to help others.  But I wonder if there is a weak link in this chain.

Larynn says her name means “the one who brings the light to heal.”

“During my journey,” she explains, “I had several impacting and powerful spiritual experiences where my energy and physical bodies were ‘restructured’ to enable me to directly work with the divine in the form of Babaji.  My hands are activated to heal under divine guidance and I now have access to  the karmic structure of a client, often transforming deep seated traumas.”

I have no ‘scientific’ way to validate if Larynn’s words and experiences are true.  But my intuition tells me she is at least genuine in her belief and that she really wants to help people heal.  I can relax now and enjoy the evening.

Larynn asks us to choose a crystal to work with during our meditation.  I choose a lapis lazulis.  I have worked with lapis before.  It is suppose to aide in spiritual matters.  Larynn directs us to lie down and relax and once we settle she leads us through a guided meditation.  I personally think that guided meditations are a misnomer.  To me they are not meditation, but trance inductions.  The words Larynn is using are similar to the words and phrases I use when I use hypnosis to help people sort a problem they are having.  To me, meditation is an inner journey that a person has to take alone in full conscious awareness.

After our guided meditation, Larynn charges our heart chakras and we do an open invitation healing session for all beings in spirit who are seeking healing.

We finish the evening sharing our stories with each other, which brings us all closer together in friendship and understanding.  I leave feeling relaxed and connected.

a letter to god

Dear God,

I just realized it’s your son’s birthday next week. I thought it would be a good time to drop you a line. How long has it been since we last spoke? It’s got to be at least 2,500 years or so. Time flies doesn’t it? I can imagine, being a deity and all, that 2,500 years is probably like a blink of an eye for you. Well for us mortals, it’s a mighty long time not to talk to someone.

We used to have some good times didn’t we? My favorite times were when we used to hang out in the Garden and watch the sun set over Paradise, while the Holy Ghost strummed tunes on his acoustic guitar and Sophia sand us lullabies. I used to love to listen to you tell us stories about the Universe and how you traveled around in the void creating weird and wonderful things. I cried when you told us how lonely you used to get traveling around the Multiverse all by yourself. And then you created us to keep you company. I am glad you did. If haven’t said it before, I’ll say it now, thanks you.

Look, I know we kind of upset you with that whole Tree of Knowledge thing. I’ve lost count of how many times Eve has said she’s sorry. She blames herself for the whole thing. I keep telling her it was all of our fault, and that we’re all sorry for what we did. I am a little puzzled though as to why you kicked us out of the Garden permanently. I mean really how long are you going to stay mad at us for that? Don’t you think it’s time we kissed and made up? There’s a lot of people suffering down here, and we could really use your help to sort things out.

Hey you know what we should do? We should throw a great big barbeque in the Garden. We could invite everybody – Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Pagans and whoever else we can think of. We could have a real slap up. Oh and while we’re talking about forgiveness, you could even invite all the Fallen Angels and we could all kiss and make up. With your powers, that should be an easy thing to do. What do you say?

One last thing, there are lost of rumors going around that you’ve gone off to some distant corner of the universe and have forgotten all about us. There are even some people who say you don’t exist and never did. You can’t blame them really. They weren’t around back in the day when you were happy to visibly walk amongst men. It would be nice if you could come back, even if you just stop by for a century or two just to let us know you’re alive and well.

That’s it from me. Tell Jesus I said happy birthday, and give Sophia my regards. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Peace and love,
Me

P.S. Please send me some pictures of Paradise. I’m making a little scrapbook for mankind.

journal pages

I drew an interesting mandala this morning.  Click on the imagine to get a bigger view.  By all means share your thoughts as to its possible meanings.

life is

life is confusing
life is good
life is crazy
life is upside down
life is limited
life is awkward
life is exciting
life is scary
life is brilliant
life is dumb
life is mad
life is love
life is a cold beer and a pretty girl

june

We kissed briefly, and only once, by the same fence where I almost got struck by lighting.

back on my feet

I am finally back o my feet after having been laid low for the past week with ‘the bug’ that has been going around this season.  I am not a good one for being sick.  I avoid it at all costs.  I usually avoid going to the doc as well.  This time I had to go because twice while I was taking a pee, I blacked out.  I hit the floor hard.  Luckily I didn’t hit my head or break anything.  The first words my doc said to me, “You don’t come here often.”  No doc I don’t.  In fact the last time I was at the docs was in 2005.  Anyway it turns out that there was nothing seriously wrong.  I was just really getting my clock cleaned by this bug.

Anyway. That is over and I am glad.  Now I have lots of things to catch up with.

no heat

Jack Frost is biting hard today.  Our boiler is broke.  I have called eon 3 times.  The first call was 8pm last night.  Three times, three different call reps, each have started our conversation with, “My system is down at the moment.  Can I take your details and arrange to have the planning team call you back.”  I called again at 8am.  The call rep assured me someone would call me before noon.  They didn’t.  I called at 12.45.  The rep I spoke to in the morning was not at his desk.  The new rep tells me her system is down.  She takes my number.  She calls me back in 20 minutes.  She says that the planning team have no capacity to ring me at the moment, which means they cannot make an appointment for me yet for someone to come and fix our boiler.  She reminds me that they are open until 8pm.  Someone should call before then.  Have a nice day.  Meanwhile, we have no heat and no hot water.  At what point do I get to become an irate customer and call back and wreak havoc?

go to war or go to jail

(The photo is of me on a training exercise back in the day.  Note:  I have an AK47 in my hand.  Rawdawg will appreciate that.  Click on the photo to see a larger version.)


Here is a little known fact: by formal education, I am a military historian.  You start life down one path, then end up on another.  I had every intention of being a working military historian.  Things happen.  People change.  Life moves on. But that is another story, for another day.

I was rummaging through my attic looking for an old journal of mine that contained a passage I wanted to quote in an essay.  In the messy process of searching for this journal (I am so glad we now have things like blogs, and macjournal, with search functions) I stumbled across one of my old military history notebooks.  I couldn’t resist having a skim through it.  This passage caught my eye:

9 reasons why governments go to war:

– to reclaim certain rights or defend them
– to protect interests of the state
– to maintain balance of power
– to fulfill treaties and alliances
– to promote political or religious theories
– to acquire territory
– to defend independence of state
– to avenge insulted honor
– for conquest

I suspect a combination of these reasons could work as well.  I am just thinking what category might places like Iraq and Afghanistan fit.  I see Iraq being about protecting the interests of the state and possibly about the balance of power.  That’s just me speculating.  My mind no longer occupies this kind of space anymore.  I have no desire to go deep with this.  I am curious, though, about where other current conflicts might sit.

By the way, I cite in my notebook, Antoine-Henri Jomini as the originator of the 9 reasons governments go to war.

Perhaps some of you arm chair generals and politicians out there might want to have a go at classifying some of the current conflicts.

$passion: cha ching

Does finding your life path mean you then need to put a price tag on it and sell it to other people? That seems to be the trend.  And then these same people get disillusioned when they find that nobody wants to buy their ˜passion.” People in the helping industry (coaching, therapy, alternative medicine, holistic whatever) seem to be most prone to this.  How many times have you heard, ˜I am passionate about helping people?”  I wonder if these folks have stopped to ask the question, ˜do people want to be helped?”  I think the advertising and media machine would have us believe so.  Just take a walk down any magazine aisle and read the headlines.  I personally don’t think people want to be helped.  They like to self-destruct, which is why we are so good at it.

Pursue your passion for the sake of it.  If people want to buy it, that’s fine.  But if you want to sell it, you’ll find you’ll have to become a whole other animal to sell well.

will of a man

I feel I am coming into my own at last in finding my what and my why.  It is imperative that I keep the will up.  As Mohammad Ali once said, “it’s not the skill of a man, it’s a the will of man that makes the difference.”

worn out

i am worn out today.  i had a small breakfast and missed lunch, which is not a good thing when you are running 1000 miles an hour; i need some fuel.  my henry rollins books came in the post today, along with the first issue of my subscription to philosophy now; more reading material.  another turn of the wheel is taking place; i smell big changes on the wind.  i like change, but it is the aftermath i could do without.  in the locker room, a naked old man told me i looked fit.  he was the third naked old man to say that this week; should i be worried?

grow or unplug

(1)

If you want to accomplish something of significance, you have to put in the blood, sweat, and tears to do it.  It is that simple.  But as Morpheus says in The Matrix, ‘there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path’.

(2)

At present I work to maintain the conditions, possessions, and position I have now.  I am doing the things I need to do to maintain the status quo.  Is the status quo good enough?  In the context of my life the status quo consists of a loving, healthy, happy family.  The kids are doing well in school.  They have what they need to feel nurtured and nourished.  They have an active social life and appear to be well liked amongst their peers.  The wife and I have more or less the same.  When I am not doing things to aggravate the wife, she seems happy.  And when I am not doing things to aggravate myself I am happy.

(3)

I cause myself aggravation when I want what I don’t have and when I imagine that I will lose what I do have if I don’t push myself to do more and more.  I convince myself that I have to keep up with the imaginary Smith’s and Jones’s.  Alan de Botton calls it status anxiety.  It is an anxiety caused by what we think others think of us; whether they judge us a success or failure, a winner or a loser.  Go to any networking or social function where no one knows who you are and what is one of the first questions people ask you?  ‘What do you do?’  This is the moment when you are suppose to ‘strut your stuff’, spread your feathers like a peacock to impress.  Or you mumble something and quickly change the subject.  I usually avoid the answer by saying. ‘I shake hands and kiss babies.’

(4)

Nietzsche says the ingredients of fulfillment are:

– A position in the world

– Sex

– Intellectual mastery

– Creativity

Am I fulfilled?

– Position in the world (a grain of sand on a beech)

– Sex (I get plenty, but like most men, could always do with more)

– Intellectual mastery (striving for, but easily distracted by other things)

– Creativity (not expressed in the way I would like to express it)

(5)

Should I continue to maintain the status quo?  I could if I take myself out of the system where I am judged by what I do, by how much money I make, by what kind of car I drive, by what position I hold, and by what access I have to the top of the line consumer must haves to be seen as successful.

(6)

Do I want to unplug from the system?

high heels


I have a burning question I need to know the answer to…

At work today, I watched a woman struggle to walk across the company courtyard.  She was wearing high heels.  It snowed last night and the ground was wet, and there was  patches of ice here and there.  Now this woman may have just been a block head for wearing high heels on such a day, but it got me to thinking, why, in general do women wear high heels to work?  And I am talking serious high heels…

Help a man understand pleas…

love’s rebuttal

By Arthur Schopenhauer

Love interrupts at every hour the most serious occupations, and sometimes perplexes for a while even the greatest minds.  It does not hesitate to interfere with the negotiations of statesmen and the investigations of the learned.  It knows how to slip its love-notes and ringlets even into ministerial portfolios and philosophical manuscripts.  It sometimes demands the sacrifice of health, sometimes of wealth, position and happiness.

love is dead


So love is dead.  I overheard a 16 year old girl talking with her friends and she said: “I’ve seen to many people get their hearts broken thinking they were with the one.  I am beginning to believe there isn’t such a thing.  I don’t want to get involved.”

what happened to the birds?


Some times I stress myself out for no good reason at all.  I forget the prophetic words of wisdom of Mr Marley:

Dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)

And maybe that’s it.  I’ve been getting up at 4am and going straight to work.  I haven’t watched the sunrise, or listened to the birds in my back garden sing their lovely morning tunes in the past 2 months.  That can’t be a good thing.

Yesterday, my mechanic announced my truck a dead truck driving.  The gearbox needs fixing. Something is wrong with the handbrake, and the rear differential something or another is leaking.  He informed me that it is a big job and unless I am in love with my truck, it probably isn’t worth the expense to fix it considering its age and the number of miles I have racked up on the odometer.  He said the best thing to do is drive it until it packs in.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I love my truck, but I do like it.  We’ve been through a lot together.  I will have to get a second opinion.  Maybe there is hope.

In addition to working an ungodly amount of hours, I have also been pushing myself pretty hard physically with my running and weightlifting regime.  My body is morphing into a different shape.  My clothes are falling off of me.  Soon I will be hard as woodpecker lips again.  But at what cost?

I think today I will take some time to smell the roses.

I finally got my hands on a copy of Neil Gaiman‘s book, American Gods, so I’ll spend some time with it today as well, maybe even wander into town and pick up some new threads.

peace, out

it’s the question that’s keeping me up all night

This story has fallen into my hands courteous of Paulo Coelho from his blog.  I know he won’t mind me posting it here because he ends all his blog posts with:

Welcome to Share with Friends – Free Texts for a Free Internet

And he is, in fact, giving a speech today at the Frankfurt Book Fair on the very topic of a free Internet and the value of sharing content.

Anyway, I’m passing this story on because it ties in with some thoughts I had in the shower this morning.  You see, I am one of these people who has been cursed with an insatiable drive to find an answer to the question, ‘What is it all about, this thing called life?’

‘Why are we here?’

‘Why am I here?’

Of course, I have to take time out to do practical things like work to earn money so I can eat and pay the bills, but always just below the surface there’s this splinter in my mind’s eye that gnaws away at me like a Rottweiler on a steak bone.

Some times I have these moments of clarity in which I swear I have reached a state of enlightenment and know without doubt what the answer to the question is.  But those moments disappear like a snowflake on a hot engine.

Other times, the question drives me to the brink of despair and I want to throw in the towel and tell God I quit.

And then there are times like today when I think to myself, ‘Who cares?’

‘Does it really matter if I know time?’

Forget the question, just get on with life – whatever that is?

They say that when the student is ready the teacher will appear.  And the teacher can come in many guises.  This time, an anecdote:

Three people passing in a small caravan saw a man contemplating the late afternoon in the Sahara Desert, from the top of a mountain.

‘It must be a shepherd who has lost a sheep,’ said the first.

‘No, I don’t think he’s looking for anything, much less at a sunset, when the view is hazy.  I think he’s waiting for a friend.’

‘I guarantee that’s a holy man, and is looking for enlightenment,’ commented the third.

They began to talk about what the man was doing, and became so engrossed in the discussion that they almost fought over it. Finally, in order to resolve the matter, they decided to climb the mountain and go to the man.

‘Are you looking for your sheep?’ asked the first.

‘No, I have no flock.’

‘Then you are surely waiting for someone,’ said the second.

‘I’m a lonely man who lives in the desert,’  was the answer.

‘Since you live in the desert in solitude, you must be a saint searching for God’s signs, and are meditating’ said the third man, delighted.

‘Does everything on Earth have to have an explanation? Then I shall explain: I am merely looking at the sunset. Is that not enough to give sense to our lives?’

i turn the page

depressed, the headlines have
me sinking in despair, is there
no way out, i am stressed

i turn the page

wall street took another blow
the dow hit a five year low
icelandic boss, shakes his head
says coolly, sorry for the billion dollar loss

i turn the page

i’m confused by the news
of banks that refuse to give
the people back their money,
this shit isn’t funny, if it were
you or i, they’d take our homes
our cars, our color TV’s
leave us living in the street
to beg, borrow, and steal
to make the ends meet

i turn the page

the words don’t get any better,
investment banker stands before
congress, smiles like the Cheshire
Cat, he says i confess i made a fucking
mess and left the economy and the
taxpayer to discover they’re in a
fucking quagmire from which they’ll not
soon recover, i guess i’ll retire,
live out my days flying across the airways,
from paris to milan to catch the ballets
with the money i took from the company
as i watched the MTHR FCKR
burn to the ground, while me and
the boys played another round

i turn the page

we’ve gone from economic enjoyment
to mass unemployment, pundits predict
millions of people will loose their jobs
victims of the meltdown, engineered by
a few clowns at the top of the hill
politicians think they can fix this with a bill

i turn the page

people are bracing for hard times
there’s chaos in the stores, folks
rushing to buy cases of lager on
sale for a fiver so they can go home
and sit on the sofa and sulk and
watch reruns of MacGyver, they
make empty toasts to prosperity past
and hope the bad times won’t last

i turn the page