existence

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Existence is suffering.
Existence is pain
Existence is time
Existence is purpose
Existence is immediate
Existence is perfect
Existence is reason
Existence is problematic
Existence is exotic
Existence is mysterious
Existence is me
Existence is god
Existence is beautiful
Existence is mind
Existence is unnecessary
Existence is lame
Existence is resistance
Existence is futile
Existence is eternal
Existence is essence
Existence is temporary
Existence is struggle
Existence is everything
Existence is ironic
Existence is simple
Existence is absolute
Existence is reality
Existence is brief
Existence is meaningless

stranglehold

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I cannot escape the stranglehold of words. To be able to use language like an alchemist mixing chemical concoctions that play with the mind, well now that just turns me on to no end. Words are sexy. I’ve been learning about the sentence and even though I have been writing sentences for more than forty years, there’s still loads to learn.

And then there are American Sentences – the Americanized form of the Haiku invented by the word wizard, Allen Ginsberg. Like the Haiku, American Sentences (example 1 and example 2 and here’s a whole book of them) are meant to be extremely vivid and detailed oriented with the image as the central focus rather than rhetoric or lyricism. I tend to float between image and lyricism.

I especially love what happens between sentences where the juxtaposition of images play with your own experiences to co-create a narrative between writer and reader. For example, when you read the verse below what images spring forth from the depths of your subconscious:

Where were you when the weird bearded beasts
burst from her womb rubbing their buddha bellies and
praying to the sleeping lamb, the flowering whore laughed
and blessed the night; your last words lost in the drowning city.

Those are the kind of words I hear in my head from time to time and often commit to paper (well electronic paper that is). I know I’m sloppy with punctuation, but playing with words is more meaningful to me than grammar. Though grammar is the glue that makes the spells work. Otherwise, you (mis)spell and the magic doesn’t work. And words are magic.

Bring me back the witch’s head. I’ve been obsessing over Courtney Love obsessing over doll parts and faking beyond fake with a crazy ache to have more cake than anybody else at the table.  But the truth is I’m more likely to be what might have been bearing the name of never was.  I don’t know what I’m selling but I’m not selling sheep. Demonology maybe?

Image by Waldkunst

Sometimes my mind gets so saturated with words that it feels like my head is going to explode. Like right now, my head is throbbing but it’s not like a headache. It’s more like all the thoughts in my head want to get out at once, and yet I’m still putting stuff in it right now as I  re-read T.S. Eliot’s Wasteland – probably his most famous poem, but hasn’t been, up until now, one of my favorites. The state my mind is in is making the Wasteland make sense like it’s never done for me before. 

When I’m here, there’s not much else to do but ride it out and wait for the calm to come.

It’s a good place this.

I like it here
this place where
all of Time meets
inside my head
past, present, future
blending together into
now(here)

I hope you’re staying safe and sane in these crazy times.

Clay

even monsters need to eat – reissue

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Everybody keeps going on about returning back to normal as if we could carry on living our lives the same way before the pandemic struck. I don’t want to find my way back to normal. I was already tired of the ‘image is everything’ culture we’d been sold through the foul mouths of marketers who are little more than piranhas praying on people’s frail egos and desperate need to be “liked” by people they don’t even know or care about.

I hope the world does collapse. It was shit anyway being under so much pressure , forced to earn a living selling false hope to be people who were blind and deaf to their own demise. Don’t hate me too much, even monsters and sharks need to eat. It’s not my fault we live in a world that rewards monsters like me for selling shit to people they don’t need.

You’re partly to blame for my grotesque behaviour. You patted me on the back for hard work. For success. For owning lots of fancy things. Now you look at me like I’m disgusting. All I’m doing is playing by the rules you laid down. What are you complaining about? You’re the real jackal.

That’s why I’ve stopped being friendly about it. I figured, If people are naive enough to give money to a voice on the phone, then fuck them. You have to have money to give money. If they want to give their money to me, who am I to complain?

I should warn you. If you’re the whining little moralistic type here to save my soul, don’t bother. I stopped believing in that fairy tale a long time ago. I broke through the barrier of mis-belief. I learnt to see the truth which is greater than any truth bound in rules and laws designed to deceive the weak and protect the strong. And the truth is this: the real world is soulless and automatic made palatable by the media you consume.

While I’m not brain dead, what remains of my mind is splintered and shackled through shards of black glass.

They’re coming for me now. I can feel the shock of their distant wings bearing down on me vibrating my skull with their shrieks. I feel something between hope and fear as I wait for them to descend upon me.

I want to be consumed. Sacrificed. Let them eat my organs. Let the earthworms rule my brain.

Let them go ahead and curse me. Rip my face off. I’ll always be a rebel. I have no time for conformity. In the Middle Ages the churches tried to eliminate madness in order to establish order and control. They needed to burn heretics like me. It was the only way they could maintain their grip on the hearts and minds of normal people.

These days the Church has lost its grip so, instead, they turned to reason to establish control. Changed heretics to lunatics like me who threaten the system. Social misfits they called us. Rounded us up like swine, consigned us to prisons, asylums, workhouses, fast food restaurants and school. The prisons and asylums are the worst. They are the pillars of order. If you refuse to act like everyone else, they throw you in prison. If you refuse to think like everyone else, they throw you in an asylum.

Orwell tried to warn us. But we let it happen anyway. Take a look around you right now. Look at all the spying devices you have in your home – the laptop, your mobile phone, the webcam, the digital camera, location apps, and GPS’s. Alexa, Siri, and Google are watching and listening to everything you do and say. Amazon tracks everywhere you’ve been on the Internet. Have you ever wondered how they can do same-day delivery? They know what you’re going to do before you do? The trucks are already loaded with the contents of your next order even though you haven’t even placed your order yet.

Which brings me to this: reason must subjugate non-reason.

It’s how they maintain order and control these days. I know they’re on to me. I know they’re monitoring this transmission from you. They know I know they know. It’s only a matter of time before they round me up. They have their choice with me because I neither behave like I’m supposed to behave nor think what I’m supposed to think.

I hope I see you on the inside too. Even though we’ll be locked up, we’ll both be free.

my monkey mind always gets the better of me

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Our journey to fully understanding our purpose and value in life — or achieving “self-mastery” — begins the second we are born. It requires a commitment to building patience, discipline and self-awareness.

Master Shi Heng Yi

I had to stop what I was doing and watched this video! I could feel the serenity of Master Shi Heng Yi oozing through my computer monitor. In the video, he lays out the 5 hindrances to self-mastery.

Self-mastery is something that sits in the back of my mind. And from time to time, I kid myself into thinking I’m on a journey of self-mastery, but I inevitably make mistake number 2, according to Master Yi:

There are two mistakes along the way to mastery: not starting it and not going all the way.

Notice how calm you feel after watching this video.

So the 5 hindrances to self-mastery are:

Sensual desire:

Sensual desire is intertwined pleasure, and it arises when we have a deep craving for something that stimulates one or more of our five senses (vision, hearing, smell, touch and taste). 

Ill will/aversion:

Ill will is the opposite of sensual desire. It’s the mental state of not wanting something, because of a strong dislike or rejection towards it. It might involve an activity, situation or person.

Sloth/torpor:

A state of inaction leads to sloth and torpor. It’s a result of having low energy and a lack of motivation. Sloth and torpor can also come in the form of defeat, self-pity, thoughts of futility, complacency or even depression.

Restlessness:

Restlessness is the result of an unsettled mind. This often happens to people who are constantly worried or anxious about the future, or who judge themselves (or others) for their actions.

Skeptical:

Skeptical doubt leads to uncontrollable hesitation and questioning. This hindrance can be likened to a tub of water stirred with mud, and placed in a dark room. The lack of light and cloudiness makes it hard to see clearly.

you have to know what you’re doing, otherwise, it’s just words

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My body hasn’t adjusted to the changing of the clocks.

The good news is I can get more done. The bad news is, I’m completely spent by the end of the day. It’s been affecting my watching of Lucifer (I pity the fool who interferes with Lucifer!).

Messages I brought back with me from dreamland:

  • Don’t be afraid of living.
  • Living in this crude matter called a body is something we have to accept as it is. Real-life is experienced in the mind, and the immortal soul transcends even that.

Out of lockdown! Yippee-ki-ya!

At least for now.

I wasted no time meeting up with my wisdom buddy, Sarah, for a meander through the Southam countryside something we’ve been doing between lockdown periods. It’s an opportunity to catch up and philosophize about life as creatives and all the ups and downs that entails. We chin-wag about domestic stuff too, as well as business.

This walk was extra special because it might well be our last walk together for a long while because Sarah is moving up to the sticks of Scotland as soon as her house sells.

Sarah is a full-time mediation teacher. I took a pause in our walk to ask her about meditation and what it means to her and to understand a little bit about her philosophy on teaching meditation.

I liked what she had to say about meditation, especial here definition of it:

Meditation is making your mind your friend rather than your master controlling you.

something about the way the sun felt warming my face

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Something about the way the sun felt warming my face as I sat in the backyard listening to the noise drifting out of the high school made me think about the ’70s. Of course, I was only knee-high to a grasshopper then, but the ’70s are in my soul. It was the music playing around me as I was growing into a little human with a personality to mold.

Gotta let go of some things if you want to be free

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It must be Spring.

I’ve gone and given the blog a new paint job, which I’m prone to do from time to time. I spent a good chunk of time today consolidating my thinking – that and setting up my new GoPro Hero 9. I was hoping to use it as both my webcam and my primary vlogging camera. It’s probably a little overkill for a webcam, but hey, the amount of time I spend on Zoom, I might as well look good, right?

I ran into a bit of snag setting Hero 9 up as a webcam. I downloaded the latest firmware from GoPro. I have updated Zoom app, and updated GoPro Webcam app, but no joy. My computer recognises the camera, but none of the apps recognise it. I gave up in the end. Live to try another day.

Stretched the old legs out today.

Coffee Contemplation

My coffee contemplation for today had to do with reflecting on the things that hold us captive, not in the physical sense, but the prisons we construct for our minds.

I talk about it some on Soulcruzer on the Radio my latest audio project. I intend to do more audio livestreams in the coming weeks.

Episode 07: Goodbye boring, hello adventure

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Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Episode 07: Goodbye boring, hello adventure

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Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Transistor FM Post Example

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Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Megaphone FM Post Example

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Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Spreaker Post Example

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Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Buzzsprout Post Example

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Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Mixcloud Post Example

by

Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Deezer Post Example

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Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Libsyn Post Example

by

Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

iHeartRadio Post Example

by

Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.

Castbox Post Example

by

Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Fatal. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Guests

Special thanks to @elonmusk and Matt Mullenweg for joining this amazing episode.