i love a good collage, and a poem to boot. this piece from laura holly charman feels like a anti-self-hlep manifesto. instead of asking for the usual trope of certainty, happiness, or success, she’s asking to be disassembled and put back together in a way that only discomfort can do.
poetry
Field Notes from the River Wye
Solo camping near Hay-on-Wye
Day One
(1)
The Arrival

The tent stakes bite into the soft earth beside the Wye, and I realise how long it’s been since I’ve heard this particular silence, the kind that comes when you strip away everything except what fits in a rucksack. No folding camper. No elaborate camp kitchen. Just me, a two-man tent, and the bare necessities whispering their own kind of abundance.
This was meant to be a shared adventure. Dave should be here, helping me puzzle over guy ropes and debating whether we packed too much cheese and not enough whisky. But life sometimes has its own plans, and he had to bow out to take care of family matters.
So what was to be a couple of lads drinking whisky and philosophising around a campfire became one of solitude.
And perhaps that’s exactly what was meant to unfold.
(2)
The Teaching of Solo Canvas

There’s something different about camping alone, something that strips you down to the essentials you’d forgotten you possessed. Without another voice to fill the space, you begin to hear what the river has to say. Without shared tasks, you move to the rhythm your body actually wants to keep.
I find myself slowing into the kind of presence that only comes when there’s nowhere else to be and no one else’s needs to anticipate. My tent becomes not just a shelter but a meditation hall. The camp stove becomes an altar of simple sufficiency.
Back-to-basics camping, I called it. But maybe it’s a forward to something else entirely. Maybe it’s about remembering what we truly need versus what we believe we need, as well as distinguishing between what nourishes us and what merely fills our time.
(3)
Tomorrow’s Pilgrimage
Hay-on-Wye awaits with its labyrinth of second-hand bookshops, each one a cathedral of other people’s released treasures. I’ll wander those narrow aisles tomorrow, hunting not just for books but for the kind of serendipitous discovery that only happens when you’re moving slowly enough to notice what’s noticing you.
There’s something perfect about book hunting after a night spent beside flowing water. Both activities require the same quality of patient attention, the same trust that what you need will reveal itself when the time is right.
But tonight, it’s just the Wye and me, learning the ancient art of being exactly where we are.
(4)
The Deeper Current
Chillaxing, I call it, but there’s nothing lazy about this kind of rest. It’s the sacred non-doing that our souls crave but our culture rarely permits. Reading by tent light. Documenting the texture of solitude. Listening to the river’s old wisdom about persistence and flow.
Sometimes life reorganises itself around absence—Dave’s necessary absence becomes my unexpected gift of aloneness. Sometimes what feels like loss becomes an invitation to discover what we can only find when we’re not looking over our shoulder for company.
The Wye keeps flowing, indifferent to human plans and grateful for human presence in equal measure. Tonight, that feels like the most important lesson of all.
Day Two
(5)
The River’s Confession
Dawn never came, not in the way I expected anyway. The sky remains a grey canvas, clouds thick as monastery walls, keeping the sun’s emergence a secret between heaven and earth. But the river doesn’t need a dramatic sunrise to sing its morning prayers. The Wye flows with the same ancient rhythm, indifferent to weather, carrying its lullaby through the mist.

I sit on the bank in this cathedral of sound, listening to the water over stone, bird calls weaving through the liquid bass note that never stops. This is the soundtrack to existence here, and something in my chest loosens, like a fist finally opening after holding tight for too long.
Poetry stirs in my bones.
The deep kind of poetry. The poetry that recognises that life itself is writing something through me. Something I’ve been too busy wearing other people’s uniforms to notice.
When my journey into adulthood began, I was a poet wanting to be a soldier. So I chose the soldier’s path, walked among warriors, learned their language and their rhythms. But underneath the uniform, I was always a crocodile trying to wear alligator skin—close enough to pass, but never quite fitting.
My colonel saw it: “You’re so laid back you’re almost going in reverse. But when you decide to be present, you fill the room.”
Always that tension. The poetic sensibility was trying to bloom while I kept covering it with corporate soil. Soldier, financial consultant, manufacturing engineer, corporate trainer, each role a new attempt to bury what kept sprouting.
But roots are persistent things. Trees know how to push through concrete.
(6)
The Nameless Monk
T.S. Eliot whispers across the water: We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
Am I returning to the beginning?
I see myself as a monk with no name, a pilgrim who has forgotten what he’s searching for. Like Bono sang: I have climbed the highest mountains / I have run through the fields / only to be with you…but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. The search has become so long, so meandering, that the original quest has dissolved into the very act of searching itself.
But perhaps that’s exactly the point. Perhaps the monk doesn’t need a name because names are just another uniform, another skin to wear that isn’t quite right.
(7)
The Barefoot Philosopher Emerges
the river teaches and the monk remembers…
Sitting here by the Wye, listening to the water teach me patience, I feel the strongest urging my poetic nature has made in years. It wants to manifest. It wants to be free. And I finally understand what it wants and why. We all have to be who we came here to be.
The barefoot philosopher emerges, not as an academic philosopher writing dense treatises and stuffy arguments, but as someone who follows the ancient Greek tradition of philosophy as lived practice—wisdom discovered through poetry, truth revealed in simple images, and meaning found in the kind of ordinary moments that crack open into something larger.
Like the Chinese sages who captured entire philosophies in single images: bamboo bending in wind, water finding its way around stone, the moon reflected in still water.
The barefoot philosopher walks beside rivers and finds the universe in the sound of current over pebble. Writes field notes that are really love letters to the mystery of being here, of being human, of finally taking off all the uniforms and walking barefoot into whatever wants to emerge.
The Wye keeps flowing, carrying away every version of myself I thought I needed to be.
What remains is simpler, truer, more willing to let poetry speak through ordinary moments beside extraordinary water.
(8)
Walking with Wordsworth
I set off toward Hay-on-Wye on a circular route that promises to bring me back to myself by evening, but first, I embark on a pilgrimage through fields that remember other pilgrims.
I walk not alone, but in company
with the wind, with the wildflower,
with the soul of a poet who once
sang the sacred in the ordinary.
I invoke Wordsworth deliberately, calling his spirit to walk beside me like an old friend who knows these paths better than maps ever could. Let my footsteps echo his hymn that Nature is not a backdrop but being itself, not scenery but scripture written in hedgerow and cloud.
(9)
The Field of Dancing Grass
No golden daffodils await in this particular field—but something better. Tall grass rises like a congregation that knew I was coming, swaying and cheering my procession toward the town of books. The wind lifts their green arms in blessing, and suddenly Wordsworth’s poem blooms unbidden:
I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o’er vales and hills…
But here, what dances is not daffodils but this wild grass, ten thousand blades swaying in the breeze, and I remember why I love his original version better—”dancing daffodils” instead of the later “golden daffodils.” Movement means more than colour. A thing alive doesn’t stand still for symbolism.
It sways.
I wandered in rhythm,
through a field with no golden daffodils,
only tall, untamed grass swaying like a crowd
that knew I was coming.
The hills ahead hold books waiting to be discovered, stories seeking new readers, and wisdom pressed between pages like flowers. But this field? This field holds the hymn that makes all reading possible—the recognition that words are just dried music, poetry the attempt to capture what the grass already knows about dancing with invisible wind.
I walk as lonely as a cloud. Wordsworth walks with me, not his statue or syllabus, but the part of him that still lives in every blade of grass, every moment when an ordinary landscape suddenly reveals itself as holy ground.
The barefoot philosopher finds his rhythm in the sway of growing things, learns that pilgrimage is not about reaching destinations but about letting the journey turn you inside out until you find, beneath hedgerow and cloud, a self you had forgotten to name.
(10)
The Oracle Outside the Café
Hay-on-Wye receives me like an old story. Streets curve with the logic of centuries, bookshops lean into each other like old friends sharing secrets, and somewhere between the cobblestones and café windows, I find myself caught in that familiar threshold moment—half-in, half-out of decision.
A sweet old woman, warm-eyed and weather-worn, emerges from the café I’ve been studying like a text I can’t quite translate.
“You look lost,” she says, not unkindly.
The words hang in the air between us. Do I look lost? Or do I look like someone finally learning how to wander with purpose? The distinction feels important, though I can’t say why.
I explain my dilemma—coffee versus motion, the eternal pilgrim’s choice between stopping and continuing.
“You can’t go wrong,” she smiles, and I want to fold those words into my pocket like a note from the gods. Simple advice. Timeless, really. The kind of wisdom that only comes from living long enough to know that most of our anxious deliberations dissolve into the same gentle outcome.
Then she leans closer, conspirator-like: “Have you seen the big clock and the granary yet?”
I haven’t.
She lights up with the particular joy of locals who get to share their treasures with wandering strangers. “Oh, you must. It’s just up the way…” And with slow, practiced movements, she traces my next steps in the air like a cartographer of magic, her hands drawing invisible maps that somehow make perfect sense.
I thank her, but she’s already vanishing down the lane like a living footnote in my day’s unfolding poem, leaving me with directions to wonders I didn’t know I was looking for.
This is how guidance comes to the barefoot philosopher—not through grand revelations but through ordinary angels who appear outside cafés, offering wisdom as simple as “you can’t go wrong” and as specific as “turn left at the clock tower.”
Sometimes the best navigation comes from those who’ve learned to move through the world with the unhurried certainty that all paths lead somewhere worth being.
Day Three
(11)
The River’s Farewell
Morning coffee by the Wye, breaking camp
Sleep came easier with a double mattress inside the tent—though not without its quirks. The car-camping design betrays itself with that annoying seam down the middle, creating a valley where two worlds meet but don’t quite touch. Still, I wake more rested, more grateful for this experiment in simplicity.

I watched Doctor Strange before bed, which may explain the surreal nature of the dream that followed. I found myself at a work event, seated beside a vegan who had been served nothing but carrots and potatoes. I remember standing up for her—insisting the kitchen do better. That detail sticks with me.
It wasn’t my fight, but I made it mine.
Funny how the dreamworld reveals our deeper alignments. Maybe it wasn’t about food at all. Maybe it was about defending dignity—even in strange lands.
The head cold lingered. Coughs kept me surfacing through sleep like a swimmer gasping in fog. But it’s on the way out. The body always knows how to heal, given patience and presence.
The rhythm of tent camping has been good to me. There’s something about paring things back—the absence of electricity, the way the river becomes your radio, and a cup of coffee takes on the gravity of ritual.
Even in this two-man tent, the gear accumulates. It reminds me: simplicity isn’t about having nothing; it’s about carrying only what matters.
(12)
Community of Temporary Neighbors
This riverside camp reveals its own small society, mostly tents with scattered camper vans, no electric hookups, no caravans, just the basics of sleeping under the stars. Port-a-potties serve as humble temples; converted horse trailers house showers that feel luxurious after river-water washing.
I met Marta and her friend, veterans of this riverside Eden. Polish by birth, British by time, they spoke of this campsite like a beloved relative. Another man, solo in his van with a loyal dog. Kayakers gliding like whispers across the surface. Everyone here seems to know something unspoken.
The river serves many kinds of pilgrims. Each stranger becomes a temporary neighbour in this village that assembles and dissolves with the rhythm of weekends.
(13)
The Harvest of Pages
Hay-on-Wye delivered its promised treasures, not through heavy browsing but through the kind of serendipitous discovery that happens when you move slowly enough for books to choose you. Two poetry collections found their way into my pack: voices from China and Georgia, foreign tongues translated into familiar English, expanding my vocabulary of wonder.
Their stories and poems whisper across cultures, proving that contemplation speaks every language and that the search for meaning transcends borders drawn on maps. I will bring these new voices back to the river, blending them with the echoes of Wordsworth and the timeless commentary of the Wye.
(14)
The Clearing and the Calling
Now morning coffee steams beside flowing water one last time, and the ritual of breaking camp begins.
The tent will collapse back into manageable squares, the mattress will deflate to travel size, and the riverside village will reorganise itself around my absence. But something remains expanded, something that doesn’t pack away so neatly.
Three days beside the Wye have reminded the nameless monk of his name, helped the poet in disguise step out of borrowed uniforms, and taught the barefoot philosopher that wisdom doesn’t require elaborate infrastructure, just willingness to sit still long enough for rivers to share what they know about persistence, about flow, and about finding your way around obstacles rather than through them.
The Wye keeps flowing, carrying away everything that was temporary while blessing what remains.
Baby Rosie waits in Ludlow, and the road calls with its own kind of current.
But first, this final sip of riverside coffee, this last listen to rapids teaching patience to stones.
a fistful of poetry

Alice, the Mad Hatter, and the March Hare were in a bar…(click the hotspot to find out what happens.)
Wallace Stevens: Of the Surface of Things
I love Bernie Gourley’s reading of this Wallace Stevens‘ poem: Of the Surface of Things
Go listen to Bernie read and then come back for a closer look at the poem.

Wallace Stevens’ poem is a meditation on perception, the limits of understanding, and the interplay between imagination and reality. Each stanza reflects a distinct mode of engagement with the world, moving from the confining interior of the mind to the expansive yet fragmented experience of nature and art.
I. The Limits of Understanding
In my room, the world is beyond my
understanding;
But when I walk I see that it consists of three or
four
hills and a cloud.
This stanza juxtaposes the abstract, overwhelming nature of intellectual thought (“beyond my understanding”) with the tangible simplicity of the external world. The room symbolises the confines of the mind, where the complexities of existence seem insurmountable. Walking, however, grounds the speaker in a sensory reality: the world is reduced to “three or four hills and a cloud,” manageable and immediate. It suggests that experience, not introspection, provides clarity—though that clarity is minimalist and shaped by perception.
II. Writing and Imagination
From my balcony, I survey the yellow air,
Reading where I have written,
“The spring is like a belle undressing.”
Here, the speaker observes the world from a higher, more detached vantage point. The “yellow air” may evoke the golden, hazy quality of spring or the polluted, modern atmosphere. Writing introduces the transformative power of imagination: “The spring is like a belle undressing” refigures a natural process into something intimate and sensual, imbued with human meaning. The balcony suggests both physical and intellectual distance, emphasising how the act of writing bridges perception and interpretation.
III. Art, Mystery, and Transcendence
The gold tree is blue,
The singer has pulled his cloak over his head.
The moon is in the folds of the cloak.
This final stanza takes a turn into surreal imagery, where colours and objects defy conventional expectations (“The gold tree is blue”). The singer pulling his cloak over his head suggests a withdrawal from visibility, perhaps representing the ineffable nature of art or the artist’s retreat into mystery. The moon, symbolising imagination, dreams, or a higher truth, is hidden “in the folds of the cloak,” accessible only indirectly. This stanza reflects Stevens’ fascination with art’s power to reveal and conceal, creating a world that is simultaneously luminous and veiled.
Themes
- Perception and Reality: The poem explores how our understanding of the world is shaped by our vantage point and imagination. What seems vast and incomprehensible in isolation becomes simple when grounded in physical experience.
- Imagination as a Lens: The act of writing and artistic creation transforms raw experience into something imbued with personal or universal meaning, as seen in the sensual metaphor of spring.
- The Mystery of Art: Art and beauty, like the moon hidden in the cloak, are never fully revealed. They invite us to look, to imagine, and to wonder, but never to wholly grasp.
Stevens’ poem is not about offering definitive answers but about celebrating the tension between the external world and the subjective, imaginative mind. It invites readers to reflect on how we see, interpret, and create meaning from the fragments of experience.
a layered meditation on creativity, improvisation, and interconnection
this ongoing remix practice (of mine)
is the heartbeat of evolution itself,
a rhythmic, recursive dance of becoming (what am i becoming?).
it feels like an innate biological imperative
woven deep into my DNA, a pulse, a vibration,
a call-and-response echoe across ec(h)osystems.
here, my cut-and-paste as-you-go ethos
spills into my life’s messy edges.
my open-source lifestyle practice of
the artist-as-live-medium becomes
not a rebellion but a return to nature’s
original toolkit: (fit to) repurpose, reframe, recreate.
every living thing is a node in my creative network
stimulating my environment to the point of excess
where abundance spills over into riotous blooms
of innovation and unrelenting possibilities.
i am the artist—as both process and product—
an alchemist transmuting chaos into rhythm,
fragments into form, glitches into meaning.
to remix is to recognise that nothing
stands alone: every fragment is a portal,
every silence, a hidden layer waiting to be sampled
the edges are frayed but fertile.
what happens when we let go (of the idea) of the original
and the derivative becomes divine (spark ?) and the (archive) of
memory,
instinct, and
imagination
becomes the (play)ground of creation?
the remix is a ritual, a creative environment,
stimulated to the point of excess.
glory in the glitch,
meaning in the mess.
this is not art as object; but art as life
a collaboration between breath, pulse,
and the endless permutations of the possible.
the remix is not just how i create—
it is how i live,
how i love,
how i transform.
There’s a rhythm I can feel—something primal, insistent, like a drumbeat carried through my bones. It’s not just in the poem; it’s in the act of writing it, the act of living it. This ongoing remix practice, this recursive, rhythmic dance, is not a method or a style. It’s the pulse of evolution itself—a process of becoming, unending and untethered, where every question only leads to more questions. What am I becoming?
It feels like more than a creative choice. It feels biological, as though the need to remix, to reframe, and to transform is coded into my DNA. Like every cell is a tiny node in an infinite network, vibrating with possibility, responding to the world around it. Nature, after all, is the ultimate remixer. It takes chaos and turns it into form: the soil into blooms, the seed into the tree, the fragments of death into life again. In this way, remixing feels less like rebellion and more like a return—a reconnection to the essential toolkit of existence itself.
The poem isn’t just an exploration of creation; it’s a map for how to live. To remix isn’t merely to rearrange or repurpose. It’s to see the world through a lens that finds beauty in what’s incomplete, possibility in what’s broken, and abundance in what seems disparate or disconnected. It’s a practice of radical openness—a willingness to let the messy edges spill over, knowing that it’s precisely in those frayed, fertile spaces where the most vibrant growth occurs.
an open-source life
This ethos spills beyond the page or the canvas. The cut-and-paste as-you-go mindset transforms from a creative habit into a lifestyle. What happens when the boundaries between art and life dissolve, when every moment becomes material? Conversations, memories, instincts, and even the glitches—those unexpected errors—are no longer interruptions but invitations.
When I look at my life as an artist, it’s clear that the medium is not confined to pen, paper, or screen. It’s the breath in my lungs, the pulse in my veins, the way I engage with the world and those around me. My life, like the remix, is a collaboration. It’s a live, evolving performance where every choice, every interaction, becomes part of a larger composition.
This open-source lifestyle—this willingness to embrace iteration and imperfection—challenges the traditional notion of art as object. Art becomes something alive: a process, a practice, a perpetual act of becoming. And if art is life, then life itself becomes a creative ritual—a remix in perpetual motion.
What does it mean to let go of the idea of an “original”? To embrace the derivative not as something lesser but as something divine? When I think about it, originality has always been a myth. Everything we create emerges from the archive of memory, instinct, and imagination. These layers—some inherited, some discovered—become the playground where creation happens.
To remix is to honour those layers. Every fragment is a portal, leading somewhere unexpected. Every silence hides a hidden rhythm, waiting to be sampled. Even the glitches—those moments of error or disruption—contain the seeds of meaning. In fact, the glitch might be where the divine spark lives: a reminder that perfection isn’t the goal. It’s in the mess where the magic happens.
There’s a certain freedom in embracing the frayed edges, the excess, the overflow. Life, like art, doesn’t need to be neat or tidy. In fact, the most transformative moments often come from the unruly places—when we’re willing to follow the thread wherever it leads, even if it unravels us in the process.
Ultimately, this poem is a declaration of transformation. To remix isn’t just a way of creating; it’s a way of being. It’s how I love—with an openness to surprise and spontaneity. It’s how I live—by weaving the fragments of my experience into something whole, even if it’s perpetually unfinished. It’s how I transform—by alchemising the chaos into rhythm, the fragments into form, and the glitches into meaning.
This practice isn’t static. It’s alive, vibrating, and recursive. It’s a call-and-response echo across ec(h)osystems, connecting me to the world and the world back to me. The remix isn’t an act of separation, but of integration. It’s a recognition that nothing stands alone—everything is interconnected, interwoven, and interdependent.
In the end, to remix is to engage with the infinite permutations of the possible. It’s a ritual of abundance, a celebration of the messy, riotous, generative potential of life itself. It’s not about finding meaning in the mess, but making meaning through it—by leaning into the glitch, by glorying in the fray.
This is art as life. This is life as remix. And I, too, am the remix: both process and product, an alchemist of the in-between, endlessly becoming.
started reading some of Charles Olson’s work
started reading some of Charles Olson’s work.
in cold hell
There’s something about Charles Olson’s In Cold Hell, in Thicket that feels uncomfortably familiar, like stepping into a dense forest where every direction looks the same but somehow promises something different. For me, this poem isn’t just a piece of writing—it’s a mirror held up to the way I experience chaos, place, and selfhood. Olson doesn’t give you a map or a compass; instead, he drops you into the thicket and dares you to find your own way out.
Life often feels like Olson’s “cold hell.” It’s jagged, disorienting, and full of moments where the ground feels not only unstable but downright abstract, as he so aptly puts it. That phrase—“how abstract…the ground is under them”—is haunting. It perfectly captures the struggle to find one’s footing in a world that doesn’t come with clear instructions.
Olson’s thicket isn’t just a metaphor for the messy stuff of existence; it’s an invitation to wrestle with it. It’s about being fully present in the disarray, even when it feels easier to retreat. That’s the part I keep circling back to: the insistence on staying, observing, and confronting.
For Olson, chaos isn’t a pit to escape; it’s a landscape to navigate. His thicket is tangled and hostile, yes, but it’s also alive with possibility. That perspective resonates deeply with me, especially as someone who gravitates toward chaos magick, personal mythology, and the ever-shifting terrain of meaning. Chaos is generative. It forces you to adapt, to create, to find patterns—or maybe to unlearn the need for patterns altogether.
Reading Olson feels like being reminded that this very mess, this “cold hell,” is where transformation happens. It’s where we grow. But it’s also exhausting. The poet doesn’t shy away from that, either. Olson’s words taste bitter, like paper, and his lines break apart under the weight of their own energy. This isn’t a tidy poem; it’s sprawling, raw, and alive, much like the world it describes.
One of Olson’s gifts is his ability to tie identity to geography. For him, place isn’t just where you are; it’s part of who you are. The thicket is as much an internal state as it is an external one. I think about this a lot in my own work, especially when I explore psychogeography or take those long, meandering walks where the outer world seems to sync up with the inner.
In Olson’s world, place pushes back. It doesn’t offer comfort or clarity; it resists, entangles, and even fights. But that resistance is the point. It’s a reminder that understanding—of self, of the world—doesn’t come easy. It’s something you earn through engagement, through wrestling with the thicket and the cold hell beneath your feet.
I’ve always felt that Olson’s vision of the poet as an active participant, not just an observer, aligns with how I approach my own creative practice. Writing, for me, isn’t about standing apart and commenting from a distance. It’s about stepping into the mess, getting tangled up, and then finding a way to articulate what I’ve experienced.
Olson captures this beautifully when he writes about the insufficiency of words—how they can feel like “paper” in the face of everything that demands to be expressed. But he keeps going, keeps writing, and in doing so, he creates something vital. That’s the lesson I take from him: even when words feel inadequate, the act of trying to shape them into meaning is itself a kind of triumph.
One of the things I love most about Olson is how his poetry feels alive. His lines breathe. They expand and contract, mirroring the rhythm of thought and emotion. There’s a physicality to his writing that pulls you in and makes you feel like you’re not just reading the poem but moving through it.
That physicality reminds me to pay attention to my own rhythms—not just in writing but in life. When things feel chaotic, it’s easy to forget to breathe, to lose the thread of connection between body and mind. Olson’s poetry, with its sprawling lines and abrupt breaks, is a kind of embodied practice. It’s messy and imperfect, but it moves, and that movement is its own kind of beauty.
If In Cold Hell, in Thicket offers anything, it’s permission to embrace the struggle. Olson doesn’t sugarcoat the difficulty of being—he lays it bare. But he also shows us that the thicket, the chaos, the cold hell, are all places of profound potential. They’re where we confront the raw material of existence and, if we’re brave enough, transform it into something meaningful.
For me, that’s the gift of Olson’s work. It doesn’t pretend to have answers, but it invites us into the process of questioning, grappling, and creating. It reminds us that the act of wrestling with the world, with ourselves, is where the real work—and the real magic—happens.
So here’s to the thicket. To the cold hell. To the tangled, messy, generative chaos of life. May we keep moving through it, breath by breath, step by step, word by word.
Leap of faith
She was all legs and breasts when I saw
her yesterday. It was hot. Not just the kind
of hot that has people wiping their foreheads with
the back of their hands and cursing the sun, but
the kind of sweltering heat that spreads over everything,
turning the world into a mirage of shimmering light.
She strode through it all with a confidence
that defied the oppressive heat. Her long legs
seemed to stretch for miles, cutting through
the haze with each step, like a woman who
was used to walking through cotton fields,
a down-home girl, as Taj Mahal would say.
Her dress clung to her in all the right places,
a whisper of fabric that revealed more than
it concealed. It wasn’t just her physicality that
caught my eye, though that was certainly part of it.
No, it was something more—something in the way
she carried herself, the way she seemed to embrace
the heat rather than complain about it.
I found myself thinking of Daisy Buchanan and Fitzgerald’s
immortal lines about her voice being full of money. But this
woman had something different in her voice, something
richer and more intoxicating than the empty clink of gold coins.
Her voice was full of summer, the kind of languid,
honeyed tones that make you think of lazy afternoons
and the taste of ripe Georgia peaches.
She moved on, disappearing into the crowd, and I was
left standing in the heat, feeling the sun beat down on me
like Muhammed Ali. I couldn’t shake the image of her,
I couldn’t dispel the sense of something important slipping
through my fingertips. It wasn’t just desire, though
that was part of it. It was something deeper, something
that spoke to the very core of who I am and who I want to be.
But like Prufrock, I wasn’t sure if I should dare to disturb the universe
nevertheless, the question hung in the air, like the oppressive humidity,
demanding an answer. It was a challenge, a crucible forcing me
to confront my own desires, take a leap of faith and follow
her into the unknown.
expresso vision
there’s a pulse, a beat
a rhythm that’s jagged and raw
dancing to the cadence of the streetlights.
it’s here in the hollows of the night
where words tumble out like dice
in a back alley craps game
where the poets huddle
over steaming cups of coffee, their
cigarettes making halos in the dim light.
it’s in the bloodstream of their verses,
in the thrumming of the city’s veins, and
the way the night opens up like a beatnik’s Bible,
spilling out secrets in a language that’s half-sin, half-salvation.
the poets, they get it.
they speak in tongues that kiss the divine,
that wrestle with the infinite, caress the ineffable,
tease out the silver threads of connection
between the sidewalk and the stars.
they chant, these beat poets,
like monks who’ve traded their
silent vows for the syncopated prayers
of the jazz club—
thumping bass
the hi-hat’s crisp whispers
the sax wailing, always wailing.
the mystic chase is there
in the alleys of consciousness
where the self dissolves like sugar in coffee,
bitter and sweet, we’re all just seeking
the face of God in a smoky room,
in the reflection of a dingy bar spoon.
the road is the path and the path is a Möbius strip
twisting on itself, and the truth isn’t at the destination,
it’s smeared in the journey, smeared like ink on the poet’s tired hands.
they wrote like they were trying
to scratch the heavens open with the tip of a pen
let the divine light flood through the page,
turn the word into flesh, into something holy and trembling.
the page is the altar and the sacrifice
where they lay down their visions, their acid revelations,
peeling back the layers of material until they’re
face to face with the cosmic joke, the eternal ‘ha, ha!’
and they don’t shy away, they dive headfirst
into the abyss, the void, where time collapses
like a cheap suit and space is just another word
for the distance between human hearts.
in the curling smoke, the flicker of neon,
the beat poets find the sacred in the profane alleys,
the all-night diners, making mantras out of the mundane,
finding Nirvana in a worn-out shoe,
the Third Eye in a half-drunk bottle of
cheap red wine, spilling over sheets of tattered notebooks.
and we, the readers, the wanderers, the seekers,
we listen for the beat, the rhythm beneath their words,
a heart that’s pounding out the message—
break free, break through, break open.
let the inside out, let the mystic in, let the poetry
do its ancient, eternal work.
in the beat, there’s truth, and in that truth,
there’s the spark—the divine spark that burns,
always burns, in the core of us all.
existence
Existence is suffering.
Existence is pain
Existence is time
Existence is purpose
Existence is immediate
Existence is perfect
Existence is reason
Existence is problematic
Existence is exotic
Existence is mysterious
Existence is me
Existence is god
Existence is beautiful
Existence is mind
Existence is unnecessary
Existence is lame
Existence is resistance
Existence is futile
Existence is eternal
Existence is essence
Existence is temporary
Existence is struggle
Existence is everything
Existence is ironic
Existence is simple
Existence is absolute
Existence is reality
Existence is brief
Existence is meaningless
Promise
every now and then i fall
apart at the seams, it seems
only held together by
the promise of a new day
and the words i want to say
to you tucked underneath
the floorboards of my sanity
no glory
so i lay there
playing with splinters
in the late afternoon
the angels of paradise,
hidden in the mystery
of my days leaning
on worn-out wings, sang to me
sticks lie broken,
dead leaves gather dust,
i am homesick here
in the ashes
all i wanted was
glory, found only
strange sadness instead
Some words of encouragement
The other day, a good friend of mine messaged me:

And I replied with:

And:

Bliss
Yesterday, I was wondering what it would be like to return to a state of innocence like before I was aware of the wicked ways of the world.
Remember Supertramp’s Logical Song, kind of like that before they sent him away!
I was ruminating about this over a turkey sandwich in Starbucks and this poem poured out:
Before you became aware of your sexuality,
Before you became aware of sex,
Before you became aware of good and evil,
Before you became aware of violence,
Before you became aware of deceit,
Before you became aware of betrayal,
Before you became aware of hate,
Before you became aware of work,
Before you became aware of money,
Before you became aware of death,
Before you became aware of sin,
Before you became aware of ‘I’
Before you became aware of limits,
Before you became aware of heartbreak,
There was bliss.
I could have wandered on
I’ve been threatening to publish another poetry chapbook for at least a year now. I have a completed manuscript, just haven’t gotten around to editing it. I think what has been holding me back, is that I want to do something different with it in terms of format and form. I played around with releasing it as a graphic novel:


And i’ve played around with rewriting it as a series as a flash fiction collection. Or even a series of experimental videos. Not sure yet. But, anyway, here a few of the poems I’m tinkering with.
Something Different
I came to a road that
Looked familiar to me
I asked a bird where
the road led. She said
‘to a place you’ve already
been.’ But I yearn for something
different.’ That’s what all the boys say,
She said and flew away.
**
She rubbed her thumb
across my palm, rewrote
my past and my future
She put her bookmark
in my heart, then walked away
That was All Saints Day
It’s November now, a pale
cold night. I walk the streets
no passion in my heart
I can’t admit these thoughts
to her, she has her own
demons to chase. I turn my
coat against the cold and walk
into the night
alone
**
She Could Only
My sorrowed eyes looked
beyond her vintage lips.
I could have wandered on,
lived my life half wake, a
broken wing, crushed by
your ignorance.
I never really understood
why she said she could only
hate what she should love.
Old Maid
Rimbaud looked over
my left shoulder as I
read A Season in Hell.
He pointed to a line in his book.
I read it and wept. I knew the meaning.
“What an old maid I am getting to be,
lacking the courage to be in love with death.”
The only remedy I could
think of was to spit back
the words of Dylan Thomas
and promise to myself to
“rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
(for a few seconds anyway)
I don’t have that kind of stamina.
44 °F Mostly Cloudy
some beach scratchings
This past weekend, we packed up the Outlander and headed northeast to King’s Lynn for a little camping excursion. The first one of the season. I know it’s late, but heck with the earlier weather not being the best and then vacation time in Fuerteventura, well the days and weeks fly by and before you know it’s mid-July before you’re pitching tent for the first time in 2018. Looks like we caught the last of the dry, hot weather too, so good deal all around.


King’s Lynn is a seaport and market town in Norfolk, England. At 102 miles, it’s the nearest beach to us (actually the beach we went to was about 30 miles north of our campsite in Hunstanton. It was fabulous grabbing so much fresh air over the weekend, and two nights of open fire – bonus!

On the beach, I crafted these two poems:
profit
instead of profit,
music is the bottom line
dance floor constructed
sexual
mind-altering
experience to create
a language of desire
the break from real
sold to us through
escape
the environment
where physical connection
seemingly encouraged
emotional engagement
suppressed.

the composition of style
sexual energy
makes less than
what it seems
body becomes object
the desire within,
a chance to touch
the forbidden
day breaks
the magic ends
keeps coming back
keeps pouring in
gay or straight flyers
advertising the event
energy, sex, or otherwise
the composition of
the style of
the streets of New York City
I got in line came
face to face with attractive
young women bundled against
the cold in stylish pleasant
conversation, sensually dressed
heroin-chic, collecting £15 for
privileged entry.
I entered the chapel
headed for the bar
too early for the truth
at the bar, I found
the congregation
of the beautiful
demarcating
truth from beauty


ignorance
can be yourself
don’t bottle up the body,
keep it open.
when all self-identifications remain
get rid of
god.
no self-definition, i am
energy and bring nothing
reality here, can i
demand nothing when you
want nothing, seek nothing
expect nothing
unexpected!
a man engrossed
prescribed by his scriptures
will get wrapped up in them
so many saints
words may be true
independent of ripening time
stay open and quiet
you seek no place
know that
don’t burden yourself
names seeking ends
desire for truth, this is
your profit
seeking at

god be sitting on a fence
god be sitting on a fence
up the road i saw him peering
at the traffic passing by then he
wandered over to the tobacco shop
said something to the barelegged
boy leaning on the countertop
adjusted his spandex shorts and left
no glory
so i lay there
playing with splinters
in the late red afternoon
the angels of paradise
hidden in the mystery
of my days leaning
on warm wings sang to me
sticks lie broken
dead leaves gather dust
i am homesick here
in the ashes
all i wanted was
glory found only
strange sadness instead
