Yesterday, on a Wisdom Walk, I realised I …

Yesterday, on a Wisdom Walk, I realised I had been spending my attention in three directions at once.

Part of me had gone backwards, picking over old choices and wishing I had chosen differently. Part had gone forwards, trying to get ahead of outcomes I cannot know. The rest kept looking for a side door through entertainment, the small and familiar way of leaving the room when the present feels awkward.

I have been thinking about personal power in the old warrior sense: not power over other people, and not the usual self-help business of becoming more assertive. I mean the ability to gather your own attention and use it where you stand. The older writers on the craft of the warrior talk about power leaks. That phrase has stayed with me because it describes the feeling well. Regret drains one pocket. Fear drains another. Avoidance finds a third.

This morning I pulled three tarot cards against that question. The Moon, The Sun, and Death, all upright.

The Moon looked like the mind under partial light. You know the territory. The past starts to feel editable. The future begins to feel dangerous before it has even happened. You follow a worry around the block a few times and call it planning. The card did not ask me to solve every shadow. It asked me to recognise the conditions and keep walking.

The Sun brought the practice back to earth. Ten minutes of meditation. Bare feet in the garden. Looking around the room. A breath. The next thing my hand can actually do. I am learning that the return does not need to be grand. It only needs to be real.

Then Death turned up, which I took as a blunt reminder that some old habit of selfhood has had its time. The version of me that tries to live in the past, secure the whole future, or duck out of the present may have done useful work once. It does not need to run the day.

I am trying a simple field instruction: when I notice myself leaking attention backwards, forwards, or sideways, I come back through the senses. Feet. Breath. Sight. One real task.

The day may still be messy. The question may still be open. But I am here for it.