Stinkin’ Thinkin’

The end of the year is near. As with most people, I have begun to think about what I want to do next year. I just had a quick glance at 1 Jan 2005 entry and I saw that my intent for this year again was to be a writer. Well I did write some poems and a draft or two of a short story and some notes for a novel, a few essays, and 75,000 words in my journal, but I never moved beyond that. More specifically, I haven’t published anything commercially.

If I’m honest, I have probably started every New Year for the past 10 years with the idea of being a professional writer. The idea never seems to make it past February. I want 2006 to be different.

I was chatting to Ruth last night and moaning about my life being the same day in day out, year after year. She chuckled and said I’m probably the least person to not change. I’m always changing from one thing to the next. I thought about that for a moment. Yes I do change things. I change things a lot. And then I realized, or thought, perhaps it all seems the same to me because the one thing that hasn’t changed is me. I have changed things, but I don’t feel as though I have changed myself. I haven’t changed on the inside. Maybe it is time for an internal revolution – to radically change the way I think. I’m reminded of a Bruce Springsteen lyric:

But it’s a sad man my friend who’s livin’ in his own skin
And can’t stand the company

I’ll counter that with: if you want to change the world, you must first change yourself.


As Zig Ziglar says give myself a check-up from the neck up and eliminate stinkin’ thinkin’.


  1. mmmgood December 13, 2005 at 10:05 am

    I haven’t commented, but I wanted to come back and tell you that I’ve enjoyed reading your last several entries. They’re all linked together in that typical end-of-year personal reflection, but in a deeper way than usual.

    I wonder how you’ll be when you come out the other side.

    1. clay lowe December 13, 2005 at 12:24 pm

      Yes, I wonder what I’ll be like when I finally come out of the wilderness.


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