Still Haven’t Found

Work days can be such a blur of nothingness. I’m sitting here trying to recall what I’ve done today and all can I think is, well nothing really out of the ordinary. I spent the day coaching and mentoring a team manager and her team leaders. What I have found with them is that they have allowed themselves to be seduced into a corporate trance. They do what they do to such sameness that they no longer question what it is they do. It’s like everyone is walking around some great big trance and I’m the odd one out trying to snap them from the trance and get them to think and question again.

My wounded eye seems to be getting better. It is not as red and is a little more open then it was this morning. The scratchiness is gone.

On the way home, the motorway was closed, so I had to find my way through the back roads. And of course the day I could use my SatNav, I left my gps receiver home and not only that I didn’t have a map. Mine is in my truck which is still having surgery. Not to worry. I pulled into the nearest petrol station, bought a road atlas and found my way home.

While driving the back streets, I got to thinking about where I am at this point in time in my life. From an outside view everything is in place. Yet inside there is still something missing, something that is causing me to seek. Like the U2 song, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. The question is what am I looking for? And is this urge to seek the underlying cause of my urge to travel and to always be doing something new and different? I flitter from one thing to the next without either rhyme or very little reason. And yet the idea of sitting still is an anathema to me.

I could hear Willie Brown whispering in my ear, “What tune you looking for?” At the end of that same film there’s a part that has stuck with me:

Willie: “After I show you Chicago, you on your own.”

Eugene: “Why? Why can’t I hang with you? We could go to LA.”

Willie: “That ain’t the way the song go. You have to take the music past where you found it. ‘Cause that’s what we did.”

It’s that last bit, to take something past where I found it that has me on edge. I haven’t stood with anything long enough to master it and then take it past where I found it, to add to the body of knowledge. Thus far I’ve been a consumer, a taker of things. I want to give back.

What am I looking for? Have I missed my destiny –my true calling?

C